There are many great duties and trusts that the slave must take heed of in regards to children. It is a major responsibility of parents to raise, educate, discipline, advise and direct their children. Allaah (Ta’ala) says [Surat al-Anfaal (8:27-28)]:
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تَخُونُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱلرَّسُولَ وَتَخُونُوٓاْ أَمَـٰنَـٰتِكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ تَعۡلَمُونَ
وَٱعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّمَآ أَمۡوَٲلُڪُمۡ وَأَوۡلَـٰدُكُمۡ فِتۡنَةٌ۬ وَأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ عِندَهُ ۥۤ أَجۡرٌ عَظِيمٌ۬
“O you who have believed, do not betray Allaah and the Messenger or betray your trusts while you know [the consequence].
And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allaah has with Him a great reward.”
This indicates that Allaah (Ta’ala) has given parents their children as a test and trial. Parents have been entrusted with their children, and Allaah gave children rights over their parents. If they (parents) fulfil them as ordered, then they will have a great and abundant reward from Allaah that they deserve. If they are negligent, then they expose themselves to punishment according to their negligence.
Therefore, Allaah (Ta’ala) says in Surat at-Tahrim (66:6):
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَأَهۡلِيكُمۡ نَارً۬ا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلۡحِجَارَةُ عَلَيۡہَا مَلَـٰٓٮِٕكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ۬ شِدَادٌ۬ لَّا يَعۡصُونَ ٱللَّهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمۡ وَيَفۡعَلُونَ مَا يُؤۡمَرُونَ
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allaah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.”
This verse is a great foundation for disciplining and educating children, the obligation of which is the responsibility of the parents.
Shaikh As-Sa’di (Rahimahullaah) said: “Saving oneself means to compel oneself to abide by the Commandments of Allaah, adhere to His orders, avoid His prohibitions, and repent from what angers Him, and will bring about torment. Saving one’s families and children means to teach and nurture them, and to compel them to abide by Allaah’s Commandments. The slave cannot attain safety unless he first establishes the Commands of Allaah within himself and in those who are his responsibility, meaning wives and children, and others under his authority and control.” [Tayseer al-Kareem]
Ibn ‘Umar (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhuma) narrated that the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care. The Imaam (i.e. ruler) is the guardian of his subjects and is responsible for them, and a man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it. A servant is the guardian of his master’s belongings and is responsible for them.” [Al-Bukhaari, no. 5200] I thought that he also said: “A man is the guardian of his father’s property and is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for your wards and the things under your care.” [Muslim, no. 1829d]
The significance of “being responsible” (here) is that:
When the slave stands before Allaah (Ta’ala), He will ask him about that. Some scholars have said that on the Day of Resurrection, Allaah (Ta’ala) asks the parents about their children before the children are asked about their parents.[] As He (Ta’ala) advised the children to be dutiful to their parents, treat them well and be good towards them, He (Ta’ala) advised the parents to bring up and educate their children. He (Ta’ala) says in Surat al-‘Ankaboot (29: 8):
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٲلِدَيۡهِ حُسۡنً۬اۖ
“And We have enjoined upon man, goodness to parents.”
And He (Ta’ala) says in Surat an-Nisaa’ (4:11):
يوصيكم الله في أولادكم
“Allaah commands you as regards your children”
Shaikh As-Sa’di (Rahimahullah) said in his interpretation: “O parents, your children are entrusted to you by Allaah and He commands you to take good care of all their worldly and spiritual needs. You should educate them, teach them good manners, save them from evils, order them to be obedient to Allaah, and to always observe Taqwa.
Allaah (Ta’ala) says in Surat at-Tahrim (66: 6):
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَأَهۡلِيكُمۡ نَارً۬ا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلۡحِجَارَةُ عَلَيۡہَا مَلَـٰٓٮِٕكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ۬ شِدَادٌ۬ لَّا يَعۡصُونَ ٱللَّهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمۡ وَيَفۡعَلُونَ مَا يُؤۡمَرُونَ
“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allaah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.”
Thus, parents have been provided with the best advice concerning their children. It is their choice to either follow this advice and gain Allaah’s Pleasure and Reward, or neglect it and become deserving of severe torment and punishment. This offers clear evidence that Allaah is kinder towards His creation than parents are towards their children. He has given the parents this counsel in spite of the fact that they already have great love and affection for their offspring.” [Tayseer al-Kareem]
It is a huge responsibility and a great trust; and every parent should fear Allaah regarding his children and work towards disciplining, educating and raising them upon religious creed, Islamic duties and great manners. They should work towards raising them up well, based on piety towards Allaah (Ta’ala) and establishing His (Ta’ala) rights.
Raising children is based on building important foundations that should be taken care of so that the slave can achieve this great aim and honorable task. This is attained by abiding to the following cornerstones:
1. First Cornerstone: Du’aa
Supplicate for them before and after their arrival by asking Allaah (Ta’ala) -before their arrival, to be granted with good righteous offspring; -and after it, with guidance and righteousness. Then if they remain on guidance and righteousness, supplicate to Allaah for their steadfastness and uprightness.
Among the supplications of the Prophets was the supplication of the Khaleel (greatly beloved) i.e. Ibraheem [Abraham (‘Alayhis-salaam)] [Surat as-Saaffaat (37:100)]:
رَبِّ هَبۡ لِى مِنَ ٱلصَّـٰلِحِينَ
“My Lord, grant me [a child] from among the righteous”
Another supplication of his was [Surat Ibraheem (14:35)]:
وَٱجۡنُبۡنِى وَبَنِىَّ أَن نَّعۡبُدَ ٱلۡأَصۡنَامَ
“And keep me and my sons away from worshipping idols.”
And [Surat Ibraheem (14:40)]:
رَبِّ ٱجۡعَلۡنِى مُقِيمَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِىۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلۡ دُعَآءِ
“My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and [many] from my descendants. Our Lord, and accept my supplication.”
Among the supplications of Zakariya (‘Alayhis-salaam) was:
رَبِّ هَبۡ لِى مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً۬ طَيِّبَةًۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ ٱلدُّعَآءِ
“My Lord, grant me from Yourself, a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.” [Surat Aal-‘Imraan (3:38)]
One of the supplications of the slaves of the Most Merciful is mentioned in Surat al-Furqaan (25:74):
رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring, who will be comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
It should be known that the supplication of the parent for the child is answered and not rejected. The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Three supplications are accepted; there is no doubt about them being accepted: the supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveller, and the supplication of the father against his son.”[] This stance should be taken with great caution so that the parent does not hasten in his supplication with evil to come upon his son, especially in the state of anger, lest that supplication is answered. It is possible he will be greatly saddened by that and feel deep regret and sorrow. The Prophet warned us about that, saying: “Do not pray against your own selves, nor against your children, nor against your wealth lest that coincide with the hour when Allaah is asked and He answers your prayers.” [Muslim, no. 3009]
Allaah (Ta’ala) says in Surat al-Israa’ (17:11):
وَيَدۡعُ ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنُ بِٱلشَّرِّ دُعَآءَهُ ۥ بِٱلۡخَيۡرِۖ وَكَانَ ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنُ عَجُولاً۬
“And man supplicates for evil as he supplicates for good, and man is ever hasty.”
2. Second Cornerstone: Justice
Be fair with your children and stay away from injustice and oppression. If the father is not fair between his children, then enmity, envy and jealousy will arise among them.
If he is fair between them, then his fairness will be among the greatest causes for kindness and love between them and will be among the main means for their dutifulness towards him.
An-Nu’maan ibn Basheer (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated: “My mother asked my father to present me a gift from his property; and he gave it to me after some hesitation. My mother said that she would not be satisfied unless the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was made a witness to it. At that time I was a young boy, so my father held me by the hand and took me to the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). He said to the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): ‘His mother, bint Rawaha, requested me to give this boy a gift.’ The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Do you have other sons besides him?’ He said: ‘Yes.’ The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Do not make me a witness for injustice.’ Ash-Sha’bi narrated that the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “I will not become a witness for injustice.” [Al-Bukhaari, no. 2650]
An-Nu’maan ibn Basheer (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) also narrated that the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to him: “Take back your gift then.”
In another narration, the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to him: “Have you given a similar gift to all your children?” He said: “No.” He (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Then ask someone else to bear witness to this.” Then he said: “Would you not like them all to be dutiful to you equally?” He said: “Of course.” He (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Then do not do it.” [Muslim, no. 1623j]
The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) is warning against being unjust among the children, which could lead to un-dutifulness and the severing of relations among the siblings.
3. Third Cornerstone: Gentleness and Mercy
Treat your children with kindness, gentleness and mercy, and keep away from harshness and strictness. If gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it, and when it is removed from anything it damages it. This mercy, kindness and gentleness of the parents with their children should begin when they are babies and should remain upon their children always.
Allaah’s Messenger (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) kissed Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali while Al-Aqra’ ibn Haabis at-Tamimi was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra’ said: “I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them.” Allaah’s Messenger (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) cast a look at him and said: “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” [Al-Bukhaari, no. 5997]
Umm Mu’mineen (Mother of the Believers) ‘Aishah (Radia-Allaahu ‘anha) narrated that a bedouin came to the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and said: “You (people) kiss the boys! We don’t kiss them.” The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allaah has taken it away from it.” [Al-Bukhaari, no. 5998]
O believers, this mercy and gentleness with children is a reason to bring children nearer to their parents and their love for them. If this nearness is found, then the father (parents) will be able to guide, advise and explain with full acceptance from the children, who will pay attention to the guidance of their parents.
4. Fourth Cornerstone: Advise and Guide
Be constant in directing, correcting and advising your children in regards to the utmost righteous matters and noble manners. Advise them of the great religious creed, Islamic obligations and its strong duties. And forbid evil and strongly warn against major sins and the rest of the legal prohibitions. Among the great duties and advices of the parents for their children is the advice and the right admonitions given by Luqman al-Hakeem (the wise) when he was advising his son. Allaah (Ta’ala) mentioned it in His great Book in Surat Luqman as a noble example and model for advising, educating, and disciplining them by virtuous mannerism and good character. Among the parents’ greatest matters is raising their children, from the beginning of their childhood, upon the correct creed –belief in Allaah and all that He commanded His slaves with, from faith in Him, monotheism in Him (Ta’ala) and sincerity in worshiping Him.
Among the main advices that Luqman gave his son:
ۥ يَـٰبُنَىَّ لَا تُشۡرِكۡ بِٱللَّهِۖ إِنَّ ٱلشِّرۡكَ لَظُلۡمٌ عَظِيمٌ۬
“O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allaah. Indeed, association [with Him] is great injustice.” [Surat Luqman 31:13]
After advising with monotheism and faith, there comes the advice of the great Islamic obligations and essential duties, such as dutifulness to parents and establishing the Salaat, which is the greatest bodily act. He ended his advice with some highly recommended conducts and matters. He (Ta’ala) says (31:14-18):
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to me and to your parents and unto me is the [final return.
وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.
يا بُنَيَّ إِنَّهَا إِن تَكُ مِثْقَالَ حَبَّةٍ مِّنْ خَرْدَلٍ فَتَكُن فِي صَخْرَةٍ أَوْ فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ أَوْ فِي الْأَرْضِ يَأْتِ بِهَا اللَّـهُ إِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ
[And Luqman said]: ‘O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allaah will bring it forth. Indeed, Allaah is Subtle and Acquainted.
يَا بُنَيَّ أَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَانْهَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ وَاصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَا أَصَابَكَ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ
O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.
وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّ اللَّـهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ
And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allaah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.’”
Allaah (Ta’ala) also mentions the advices of Prophets Ibraheem and Ya’qoob:
وَوَصَّىٰ بِہَآ إِبۡرَٲهِـۧمُ بَنِيهِ وَيَعۡقُوبُ يَـٰبَنِىَّ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ ٱصۡطَفَىٰ لَكُمُ ٱلدِّينَ فَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنتُم مُّسۡلِمُونَ
“And Ibraheem [Abraham (‘Alayhis-salaam)] instructed his sons [to do the same] and [so did] Ya’qoob [Jacob (‘Alayhis-salaam)], [saying]: ‘O my sons, indeed Allaah has chosen for you this religion, so do not die except while you are Muslims.’” [Surat al-Baqarah (2:132-133)]
Among the greatest of advices is advising children with prayer. Allaah praised His Prophet Ishma’eel for commanding his family with Salaat and Zakaat, as He (Ta’ala) says in Surat Maryam (19:55):
وَكَانَ يَأْمُرُ أَهْلَهُ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَالزَّكَاةِ وَكَانَ عِندَ رَبِّهِ مَرْضِيًّا
“And He used to enjoin on his people prayer and Zakaah and was to his Lord, pleasing.”
Also, Allaah (Ta’ala) commanded Prophet Muhammad (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) to maintain the performance of obligatory Salaat and to order his family and urge them upon it. He (Ta’ala) says in Surat Ta-Ha (20:132):
وَأۡمُرۡ أَهۡلَكَ بِٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَٱصۡطَبِرۡ عَلَيۡہَاۖ
“And enjoin prayer upon your family [and people] and be steadfast therein.”
In Musnad Ahmad and Sunan Abu Dawoud, the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.” [Authenticated by Al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jamie’, no. 5858]
5. Fifth Cornerstone: Righteous Companions
Counsel your children regards their friends/ companions. Without a doubt, companions have an effect on whom they accompany. A sublime example that clarifies this is what the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said in explaining the effects of the good and bad companions.
Abu Musa (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him; but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him.” [Al-Bukhaari, no. 5534]
And he (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “A man is upon the religion of his friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” [At-Tirmidhi, no. 2378 and authenticated by Al-Albaani in Saheeh Abu Dawoud, no. 4833]
Beware of new types of friendships and gatherings in our present time that were not there in previous times; such as the gatherings for watching satellite channels, social media and gaming websites, etc. through modern technological devices that are in the homes these days. Because of this, parents should monitor their children’s friendships because they can be dangerous. These relationships have a huge impact on the children’s minds, religion, manners and discipline. How many youth went astray and were afflicted immensely because of these means, to the extent of which nobody knows except Allaah (Ta’ala).
6. Sixth Cornerstone: Set a Good Example
Be positive role models for your children. Avoid ordering them to do good and not doing it yourself. And avoid forbidding them from evil while doing it yourself. In these cases, the manner of calling children towards good and disciplining them comprises many contradictions. When what the parents say is different from what they do, they become bad role models for their children. Then they grow up under the likes of those parents with a contradictory, unstable upbringing. That will have an evil (harmful) effect on them; therefore, it is upon the parents when they discipline and direct their children to always remember Allaah (Ta’ala)’s Words:
أتَأۡمُرُونَ ٱلنَّاسَ بِٱلۡبِرِّ وَتَنسَوۡنَ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ تَتۡلُونَ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَۚ
“Do you order righteousness of the people and forget yourselves while you recite the Scripture?” [Surat al-Baqarah 2:44]
And the saying of Shu’aib (‘Alayhis-salaam) to his people:
مَآ أُرِيدُ أَنۡ أُخَالِفَكُمۡ إِلَىٰ مَآ أَنۡهَٮٰڪُمۡ عَنۡهُ
“And I do not intend to differ from you in that which I have forbidden you.” [Surat Hud 11:88]
While taking into consideration these great matters in disciplining and directing children, the parents should ensure that their hearts do not attach to them (i.e. the means) and should put their trust in Allaah, rely on Him, turn towards Him Alone in His Highness to reform their children and protect them with what He protects His righteous slaves with.
If the parent (father) is guided in this matter of educating, nurturing and guiding his children and he is patient on that and Allaah (Ta’ala) bestows upon him the reformation of his children, there will be many praiseworthy impacts and blessed returns (yield and benefits) which the parent will reap in this worldly life, in his grave and on the Day when he meets Allaah, the Blessed the Most High.
In his life, his son will be dutiful to him, fulfilling his duties towards him, avoiding un-dutifulness. This is because the religion of Islam which he (the parent) brought up his son on, commands him with that. After his death, his son will exert his utmost to pray for him.
Abu Hurairah (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) reported that Prophet Muhammad (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three, recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son, who prays for him (for the deceased).” [Muslim, no. 1631]
Similarly, if the parent is negligent in disciplining and educating his children, then he will be exposed to evil consequences (end) and calamities in this world and the Hereafter.
Let us fear Allaah with regards to our children, and be observant of Him (Ta’ala) when raising them. Let us persistently call Him in our supplications to reform, guide, and protect them from wrongdoing and corruption. Let us take care of raising them with correct guidance and ask Allaah (Ta’ala) for support in that.
O Allaah! We ask You, O our Lord with Your Perfect Names and High Attributes, that You, O Allaah (Ta’ala), the Ever-Living, Eternal, Lord of the Worlds, reform all our children. O Allaah! Bestow upon them guidance, reformation and protection; and keep them on the Straight Path and protect them O Lord from corruption and going astray. O Allaah, we do not hope for that except from You. We do not put trust in that or in any matter of our matters except in You. You Alone are the One Whom we seek and You are the Provider. There is no power or strength except by Allaah, the Most Great, the Most High.
Sources:
Cornerstones for Raising and Educating Children, by Shaikh ‘Abdur-Razzaaq al-Badr
Tayseer al-Kareem by Shaikh As-Sa’di
