Patience at the First Stroke of Calamity

Anas ibn Malik (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) passed by a woman who was weeping at a grave. He (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to her: “Fear Allaah and be patient.” She replied: “Leave me alone! For you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine.” And she did not recognize him. Then (later) she was informed that he was the Messenger of Allaah (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). So she went to his (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) house and she did not find any guard there. She said to him (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): “I did not recognize it was you.” The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) remarked: “Verily, Sabr (patience) is at the first stroke of a calamity.” [Agreed upon. Reported by Al-Bukhaari in Al-Janaa’iz (1283) and Muslim in Al-Janaa’iz (15) and Ahmad in his Musnad (13/143)] It is mentioned in the narration of Muslim, “She was crying upon her (dead) son.”

Explanation:

Anas ibn Malik (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) passed by a woman who was at the grave of her dead child. She loved him dearly and couldn’t keep herself from crying at his grave. When the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) saw her, he ordered her with Taqwa (fear) of Allaah and Sabr (patience). He said to her: “Fear Allaah and have Sabr (patience) i.e., beware of impatience and discontentment which can remove the reward, and seek that which Allaah has promised of reward and fear Allaah’s anger if you do not show patience.” She replied: “Leave me alone, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine!.” ‘Leave me alone’ i.e., go away from me. This shows that her adversity had reached an overwhelming level. So, the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) left her alone.

It was then said to her that he was the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), upon which, she regretted (her words) and came to the Messenger of Allaah’s (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) door. There were no gatekeepers at his door, meaning there was no one to prevent people from entering upon him. She said: “I did not recognize you (O Messenger of Allaah!).” The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) responded, telling her: “(The praiseworthy) Sabr (patience) is at the first stroke of a calamity.”

Sabr (patience) for which a person is rewarded is to show patience at the initial stroke of a calamity i.e., when calamity first strikes – this is (true) Sabr. As for Sabr that comes later, it may just be acceptance, just like how the animals accept (their situation).
True Sabr (patience) is when a person is hit with the initial shock but he shows Sabr (patience) and Ihtisaab (seeking reward from Allaah). It is even better that he says,

إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون، اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي واخلف لي خيراً منها
“We belong to Allaah and to Him do we return. O Allaah! Reward me for my affliction, and give me something better than it in exchange.”

In this Hadeeth, there are several benefits:

First: The excellent character of the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his Da’wah (call) to truth and goodness. When he saw this woman crying at the grave, he ordered her with Taqwa of Allaah and Sabr but when she said, “Leave me alone,” the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) did not seek revenge for himself, nor did he scold her, and he did not use force against her because he understood that she was overwhelmed with grief to the point that she couldn’t control herself and that’s why she had come out of her home to cry at his grave.

If someone were to ask, “Isn’t visiting graves forbidden for women?” We (Shaikh Ibn ‘Uthaimeen) say, “Yes, visiting graves is indeed forbidden for women; rather, it is one of the major sins! This is because the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) “cursed women who visit graves, and those who take them as Masjids and put lamps on them.” [Reported by At-Tirmidhi in his Sunan (320) and he declared it Hasan, and Imam Ahmad in his Musnad (1/229, 287), and Ibn Majah in his Sunan (1574)]

But this woman did not come out to visit the grave; rather, she came out due to intense grief of separation from her son, and extreme sadness (over the loss of her child). She could not stop herself from coming, and therefore, the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) excused her, he did not use force against her, and he did not insist that she return to her house.

Second: One is excused for his ignorance, regardless of whether it is ignorance of a religious ruling or ignorance of the situation. In this case, the woman said to the Prophet, “Leave me alone!” Although the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was commanding her with Khayr (goodness), Taqwa (fear of Allaah), and Sabr (patience), she didn’t realize that he was the Messenger of Allaah (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). Therefore, he (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) excused her.

Third: It is not appropriate for a person responsible for the needs of the Muslims to have a gatekeeper at his door who prevents people (from coming to him) when they need him unless it is feared that a large number of people will gather and cause exhaustion and distraction for something that can be addressed at another time, in which case, it is permissible to do so.

The order of seeking permission (before entering someone’s house) was enjoined to restrain the sight, as mentioned in the following Hadeeth:
Sahl ibn Sa’ad (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) narrated that a man peeped through a round hole into the dwelling place of the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), while the Prophet had a Midra (an iron comb) with which he was scratching his head. The Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Had I known you were looking (through the hole), I would have pierced your eye with it (i.e., the comb).” Verily! The order of taking permission to enter has been enjoined because of that sight, (that one should not look unlawfully at the state of others). [Reported by Al-Bukhaari (6241)]
Also, the order of seeking permission (before entering someone’s house) was enjoined to give the person control over who is allowed to enter and who isn’t.

Fourth: The praiseworthy Sabr is that which occurs at the first shock; when one shows patience and seeks reward from Allaah, knowing that what He has taken belonged to Him (Allaah), and that everything has an appointed term with Him.

Fifth: Crying at the grave contradicts Sabr. Therefore, the Messenger of Allaah (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to her: “Fear Allaah and be patient.”

There are people who, when afflicted with a calamity such as when someone dies, often visit the grave of the deceased and cry there. This contradicts patience. We (Shaikh Ibn ‘Uthaimeen) say: “Instead of this, if you want to benefit the deceased, you can supplicate to Allaah from your own house. There is no need to visit the grave because visiting the grave can keep the deceased constantly on one’s mind, and one will never forget the calamity. It is better to keep oneself busy with something else and forget the calamity as much as possible. Allaah is the Bestower of guidance.”

The Reward of Sabr (Patience) for Losing a Safiy (Dear Friend or Relative)

Abu Hurairah (Radia-Allaahu ‘anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allaah (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allaah, the Exalted, says: ‘I have nothing to give but Paradise as a reward to My slave, a true believer of Islamic Monotheism, who, if I cause his Safiy (dear friend or relative) to die, remains patient (and hopes for Allaah’s Reward).’” [Reported by Al-Bukhaari no. 6424]

This Hadeeth is narrated by Prophet Muhammad (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) from Allaah. Scholars categorize this type of Hadeeth as “Hadeeth Qudsi” because the Prophet (Salla-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) has narrated it from Allaah.

Safiy: It refers to someone with whom a human prefers and chooses and holds a strong bond with; whether it be his child, a sibling, a cousin, a father, a mother, or a friend. If Allaah, the Almighty, takes this person away, and the individual practices Ihtisaab (seeks the reward of Allaah), then his reward is Paradise.
In this Hadeeth, there is evidence of the virtue of patience when one’s Safiy is taken away from this world. Allaah, the Almighty, will reward him with Paradise if he practices Ihtisaab.

Also, in this Hadeeth, there is evidence of the Favor of Allaah, the Almighty, and His Generosity towards His slaves – because the Dominion belongs to Him, the Command belongs to Allaah, you and your Safiy both belong to Allaah. Despite this, when Allaah takes the Safiy from a person and if the person exhibits Ihtisaab, Allaah rewards him with this great reward.

From the benefits of this Hadeeth: This Hadeeth is indicative of Allaah’s Actions. Allaah says: “If I cause his Safiy (dear friend or relative) to die”. There is no doubt that Allaah, the Almighty, does what He Wills. However, we must know that all Allaah’s Actions are good, and evil is never attributed to Allaah. If an evil takes place, it is only in the outcome; evil is not inherent in the action itself.

For example, if Allaah decrees something for a person that he dislikes; there is no doubt that what the person dislikes is evil, but the evil is in this fate, there is no evil in the Decree of Allaah because Allaah, the Almighty, does not decree except out of profound Wisdom; either for that specific individual or for the general creation. Sometimes the Wisdom is specifically for an individual, and sometimes it is for all of creation in general.

If Allaah decrees something unfavorable for an individual and that person shows Sabr and Ihtisaab, then he has attained goodness through it. If Allaah decrees something unfavorable for him, and it leads him to return back to His Lord because of it – for, when one is constantly in a state of blessing, he forgets to be grateful to Allaah for the blessings and does not turn towards Him. However, if he faces adversity, he remembers and returns to His Lord, which can be of tremendous benefit. And Allaah may decree something unfavorable for an individual, but it may be beneficial to others.

Let’s illustrate this with an example: consider a man who has a house of mud, and Allaah sends down continuous heavy rain. This is harmful to the owner of the mud-house, but it is in the public interest; other people will benefit from this rain. (Moreover,) its being harmful for this person is relative too – for, it is harmful from one perspective but beneficial from another. He may learn from this experience that his ultimate refuge is with Allaah, and there is no refuge except in Him. This realization can bring him benefits that are greater than the harm he suffers.

Source:
Sharh Riyadhus-Saliheen by Shaikh Ibn ‘Uthaimeen (Rahimahullaah)
Hadeeth nos. 31 and 32.